My TEACHING wake-up call.
Don't laugh-it's real.
My previous post was completely about restoring a relationship with someone who meant a lot to me because they encouraged me to pursue my childhood dream of singing. I became so reliant on his companionship that I failed to see some major problems in our relationship and when these problems just could simply not be overcome, I would fall into this loop of thinking that I needed him in order to be happy-as he encouraged that dream. What I failed to realise was that whilst he encouraged one area of my life, I began to forget the other areas.
I became consumed to the idea of singing again. He thought I should pursue it, and hey-it was my childhood dream-AS IF YOU WOULDN'T GIVE IT A SHOT IF SOMEONE CONSISTENTLY ENCOURAGED YOU. This guy knew exactly what to say all the time-he was amazing with words and I became convinced he wanted what was best for me, so why not listen to his advice? His words soon began to shape my mind in more than just singing though. I know deep down he did not mean to, but he had this amazing ability to make me feel like the worst kind of a person. I couldn't stand it any longer and I finally put an end to that part of my life. I couldn't let myself believe I was a bad person OR that I was one of those women who needed a man to feel good about herself. This then made me feel that I should try to prove to him that:
'Hey guess what? I can get on with singing without you! Watch me!'
AND I finally got that opportunity. Straight away I was contacted by an amazing established songwriter and within a week we wrote a brilliant song that was to be released on iTunes...but for some strange reason, I still hadn't got that feeling, the feeling of satisfaction that I was hoping for.Something was wrong. It wasn't that I couldn't do it without that man, in-fact I had clearly proven that I could do it and MUCH quicker than with him-but why didn't I feel like my childhood dreams were finally coming true? Stupid quarter life crisis was screwing with me big time now.
So here came the 'aha' moment. I saw a TPL (teacher professional learning course) that was with one of the most prestigious and influential Drama teachers in Australia and knew instantly I needed to apply to it.
And so I went...
'Yay...a Saturday course! This is going to be fun...NOT!'
I thought to myself as I set my alarm last night. How wrong I was. Not only was this course the most insightful TPL I have done, but it also provided me with the sign I have been waiting for, a way to get out of the rut of this quarter life crisis. We covered everything from 21st Century learning to Project based learning to essay writing all through practical activities that will not only help gifted students but also IEF students and other students with learning difficulties-AND IT WAS ALL THROUGH DRAMA ACTIVITIES AND CONCEPTS! We Drama teachers have known for quite a long time that we are always leading the way with PBL and 21st C learning (mainly because of what our subject is about) but it was definitely amazing to hear it re-established from a leading educational practitioner who was teaching the course.
THEN the sign happened.
For awhile now I have questioned the road I have chosen in life and today, I finally got the sign I have long been awaiting. I have always felt concerned that my love of singing fell into the background with my love of teaching and have always wondered if I should focus on both, or only one. The course teacher (the amazing and inspiring lecturer-my idol of teachers) who I have only ever met once before knew who I was and complimented me in the most unbelievable way when presenting me with a certificate at the end of the course. He told me that I was 'the hero of drama teaching in Western Sydney and that I am doing wonderful things and will continue to do wonderful things'.
WAAAAHHHH????
*shock face*
Don't say anything stupid.
I didn't know how to respond-I literally muddled my words and felt teary. How could this person who is a genius of the teaching world know about little old me and say that to me? Through a very teary emotional phone call to my best friend straight after I left the course-it finally hit me-this is what I was meant to do. I love singing and I always will, but so much in my life lately is leading me down the teaching path. I may not be making my mark with my voice in terms of music-but I am still making a mark and in a way I never ever thought I would-through my students. Finally I got my sign, and finally, I see.
So what happens now, I don't know. Do I still release that song? Maybe-but maybe just for fun. I might just put it on YouTube for free-for pleasure-to remind me I achieved that. I don't know. What I do know is that my mind has become clearer. I am meant to TEACH. I can still sing and love doing it-but clearly-God has finally helped me by giving me a clearer path.
The teaching wagon for a LONG time has jumped in front of me when the singing opportunities arrived-that's a sign. If I was meant to be a singer, I would be. I wouldn't have fought with the man who encouraged it and wrote my lyrics all the time-it would've worked out.
Positive Overthinking thought: I am not upset anymore about my failed relationship with that man and I have no regrets anymore about the path I have chosen. You can love and want something (singing) so desperately for most of your life but in time - as relationships change, so can your desires and you may find you are on the road you were always meant to be on-in the career you might've just been made to do all along (teaching).
The Green Eyed Girl xox
